The Real Reason You’re So Triggered (And How to Reclaim Your Power)

I had a realization recently that really shifted something in me.

It started with a situation at work that had been building for a while. I felt like I was constantly in quiet conflict with a colleague. She often questioned my work in front of others, and to me, it felt like she was trying to make me look bad or step over me to get ahead.

Every time she spoke up, I felt the need to defend myself. I’d walk into the office already on edge, ready to push back.

Then my business coach and boss asked me a question that opened something up inside me:
“What are you so attached to here?”

It landed hard. Because I was, in fact, very attached.

I realized I was deeply tied to a specific identity:

“I’m valuable when my work is respected.”
“I’m worthy when I’m seen as competent.”

So every time my work was challenged, it wasn’t just a professional disagreement—it felt like a personal attack. Not because of what she said, but because of what I believed it meant about me.

The story I had created in my mind was what hurt the most.

Why You’re Actually Triggered

We think it’s people that trigger us. But what really sets us off is the meaning we attach to their actions.

We make assumptions.
We tell ourselves stories.

“She’s trying to tear me down.”
“He doesn’t care about me.”
“They’re doing this on purpose.”

But the truth is, we rarely know someone’s real intentions. Maybe she genuinely wants the company to improve. Maybe she sees things differently than I do. Maybe her delivery is rough, but her heart is in the right place. Or maybe she’s going through her own struggles I’ll never know about.

The important part was realizing I didn’t need to hold onto that old story.

The Shift

When I started to let go of that identity—the one that needed to be respected at all times in order to feel worthy—I felt more free.

I could be wrong.
I could be questioned.
I could even lose my job.

None of it actually threatened my worth.

And something amazing happened. As I shifted, the tension disappeared. I saw my colleague differently. I appreciated her intentions. There hasn’t been conflict between us in months.

The Takeaway

You’re not triggered by what people do. You’re triggered by what you believe it says about you.

And even if someone is trying to hurt you, they’re only poking the version of you that you’ve created to feel safe. The role. The identity. The mask.

That part can feel fragile. But the real you? The one behind all of that?

That part is steady. Safe. Unshakable.

If you want to reclaim your peace, don’t start with controlling other people’s behavior.
Start by noticing the story you’re telling yourself.
That’s where your real power is.